Ever-Present God

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. – Jeremiah 29:13

Boston Trinity alumnus Paul Park ('11) wanted to direct thoughts to God in his Chapel address Wednesday afternoon. Paul, now in his second year of a Ph.D. program in bio-research at Harvard medical school, confessed, "There was a time I thought I wouldn't make it through high school. But God says, 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.... As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.' (Isaiah 55:8-9) It doesn't matter what others think, or even what you think," Paul continued. "What matters is what God thinks."

Paul held nothing back as he described his life both before and during his years at BTA. "My coming to the United States was my way of escaping trouble in Korea," he said. He was a rebellious youth: smoking, drinking, wandering the streets at night, breaking windows in buildings. Finally he was caught by the police for stealing a motorcycle. Since he had been born in the United States, his parents sent him to Boston Trinity, thinking he could have a fresh start here. However, Paul hated his life in the U.S., hated his parents, hated himself, hated everything. He often wondered why he was even alive, believing he had no purpose. At the same time, he was scared of dying. So he filled his life with more trouble. As a Boston Trinity student he was expelled five times. The last time, during his senior year, he felt such shame; he thought he had let his parents and friends down, he felt he was a disappointment and a failure. He stayed in bed for three days, not eating anything, after that suspension. He finally emailed his father, apologizing for not being a better son, saying he was not worthy to even be his father's son. The next day he had a response from his dad, which began "To my most beloved son." His dad concluded by telling Paul, "I love you and I always will." For the first time, Paul thought about God. Had God guided his life?  Some supernatural power? Was everything just some coincidence?

Paul graduated from BTA and went to college, where he was invited to a church retreat. He went, wanting to meet God, yet skeptical. "How can you meet an invisible God?" he asked. Nothing happened to change his mind the first night of the retreat, and discouraged, Paul thought God surely did not love him. The second evening he became less arrogant and more earnest in his asking. "God, I will believe if you say so. Did you lead my life?" Just then, someone touched his back and began praying, not a typical prayer but more like words directly from God: "I led you. I'm here right now. I love you. You are precious to me. I sent my son Jesus to die for you. You are my beloved child."

Paul saw his life as if in slow motion. He realized that God had been with him all along, constantly working in his life. He repented, thanking God for loving him, a sinner. Paul's circumstances had not changed, but his perspective had.

"Seek Him! I urge you to seek Him with all your heart. He will meet you where you are and speak to you in a language you can understand. He will be found if you seek Him with all your heart," Paul told his audience. "Jeremiah 1:5 says, 'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.' You are not a mistake. You are a beloved child, made for a purpose. My last exhortation to you is, go deeper in the word of God and prayer. It will change your life. It won't be all sunshine and rainbows, but the Father is yearning for you. He is knocking at the door of your heart."